Another funny

Okie, I found another one, that I just had to share.

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice!

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.

6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

9. Sing Along At The Opera.

10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

A funny to get you through the day

I realized that I needed a pick-me-up and thought I would share what I found. These are cute sayings that I just had to laugh at. Some are soooo true!


1 . My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he
was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
(agree)

4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. (I never had a handle
on life...)

5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.(They are called undergrads...and don't be jealous)

7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck- is-the-room- spinning
medicine.

12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. (Amen, preach on!!)

15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? (Frequently)

16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!

17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

18. Procrastinate Now!

19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? (A friend gave me this one)

20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

24 . He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD. (Sad but true kiddies)

25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand
times the memory.

26 . Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment
for a pig. (I seem to recall a vball quote about this one, but I could be wrong)

27. The trouble with life is there's no background music. (I just hum my own)

28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

29. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.

That was a good one to end on right? Just fake it, but remember to smile!